Before every trip I take, either alone or with my family, I get organized, create lists, and then make a manageable and effective plan of action. The same was true for this trip, for this journey. This emotional expedition does not require luggage, any travel arrangements, or too much of an expense. For this departure, I will make some changes. I will let go of any and all baggage I have forcing me down or holding me to old paradigms of myself. I will immediately shed the self-doubt. I will accept what I can change. I will allow myself to fail, to restart, to cry, to be cranky, to be whatever. What I will not allow is giving up, not trying, or quitting before I even start. Nope, I will not allow this to happen.
For this trip, I am prepared. Last night, I did the unthinkable. I measured and weighed myself. I wrote it down. I sighed but I did not respond negatively. I allowed myself to be quiet in the moment of discovery. I made no harsh judgment about myself. My husband and I talked about this experience briefly, and I explained to him where and why I was going on this journey. I asked if he wanted to come along. His support is important to my success but it does not determine it. I can only determine my success, and I am powerfully adamant in my desire to succeed.
Am I ready? How was my day? Last night, he and I cleared the house of all temptations and non-essentials to my journey. I went grocery shopping with my journey in mind and a list in my hand so I could make decisions that would enhance and support what I need to be successful. I woke up relatively early this morning, and knew there was no turning back. I began my day feeling exhilarated, positive, ready, and bit scared. I hadn’t even started, and there self-doubt was, waiting for me, searching for my weakness. I firmly shooed those feelings away and reminded myself that I have a plan, I have the tools, I have the resources, and I have the food.
My morning was fine. I ate and drank as I needed. I was not searching the house or eating from my children’s plates. I felt good. No, I felt better than good. I enjoyed a delicious leek and tomato frittata, Greek yogurt with some cinnamon, vanilla extract, and sugar substitute, and few other allowable snacks. I wasn’t hungry, yet. I drank a ton of water, and V8, and then more water. I was empowered.
Afternoon was a different story. I was tired. I was hungry. I was lethargic. I was cranky. I began eagerly searching the house for my stash (there must be something lingering behind?). With every empty cabinet, drawer, and hideaway, I got mad. Self-doubt crept back in. My 4 year old daughter kept asking me for treats all afternoon and the only thing I kept thinking was “yeah, yeah let’s find some treats together.” Guess what? There were none (that we both could share). I provided some healthy alternatives to her that she could enjoy but I held strong with my own intentions and allowances. What I learned today: I need to eat more during meals and my allowable snacks. More? Yes, more. Dinner was much, much better. I made a delicious meal of steamed asparagus, spiced tilapia, and a leafy green salad with cucumbers. I slowly and intentionally enjoyed every single morsel. It’s almost bedtime, and I feel good. I am tired but I know I’m doing okay. I acknowledge I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Tomorrow will be another challenge but it is one day closer to getting away from and off the sugar, and feeling much, much better.