Day 9 has been a tough one. Yup, I was waving the tissue box while preparing dinner tonight. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m feeling a lot of thing today but I am acting as IF I am a toddler unable to articulate my thoughts and feelings. Guess what? I’m not a toddler but a grown woman with lots of ways and words to explain what’s going on today.
Bottom line: My energy is low. I didn’t eat enough today. I’m tired. I didn’t really feel like cooking much and I wasn’t satisfied with what I was eating. This is hard work. It takes time throughout my day to figure this South Beach Diet stuff out because I need to be a few steps ahead of my hunger. I let hunger get ahead of me today, and it took me down like a sand castle to a wave. I fell heavy and hard today. Tears were close to the surface most of the afternoon. They unfortunately hit the moment my husband walked in the door. I cried about my tiredness. I cried about the stupid scale. I cried about how hard I am working. I even uttered those, those words: “is this all worth it?” Blaaaa… I can’t even believe I said that out loud. Oh, I shudder at those words and what that signifies.
I know what I am doing is worth it. I feel better. I am doing better. Today was just a blip on my 24-hour screen. I stumbled on a root hidden in the dirt. I scratched my face but I am okay. Right? I am okay? Hold on, I need to resume my shooing away of self-doubt and fear and exhaustion. Why was Day 9 so hard, so crazy hard? I’m not sure really. I’m hoping it wasn’t the silly number on the scale. I know better than to get stuck on a number. Gesh. I weighed and measured myself last night before going to bed. My husband wasn’t home. I wrote it down. I sighed loudly. I moved on (so I thought). I lost but just not enough. It was okay last night so why wasn’t it okay today? Ah, the psyche is such an interesting thing.
Anyway, I am saying good-bye, farewell, get-the-heck-outta-here to today and all of its emotional drain, exhaustion, and self-doubt. Tomorrow is another day. I will restart. I will renew. I will figure out a way to make it through Day 10. Do you know what that means? Only 4 more days. Only 4 more days. Only 4 more day. Until what? I am not sure but I am holding onto the FACT that I only have 4 more days until I make another change {maybe I’ll stay on Phase 1 for another week or perhaps I’ll move to Phase 2}. I like the way that sounds.
photo credit: SweetOnVeg via photopin cc
You can do it!!!! I did South Beach once so I feel your pain, but just think how awesome you’ll feel on day 15!
Kimberly @ Red Shutters recently posted…Cursing
What a raw post, Nikki! I feel your pain. You can do this, and now you know you can get through the hard days. Wow, you are a really strong person!
On Whole30 you aren’t allowed to weigh yourself for the whole month. The first time I did it, I did it anyway, and it always got me down. But the end results were good, it just took a while to kick in or something. The second time I had K hide the scale from me and really didn’t weigh myself for a whole month. Results about the same but much better mentally. Hang in there!
Hope your day gets better. I am also working hard on my diet. You can do it! See you at blissdom and we will be hot mommas!