Don’t blink. Wait. A. Moment. STOP. Take a breathe. The moment is over. That moment is gone (poof!). These words, these feelings have new meaning to me lately. Life is moving too darn fast. There’s too much to do and never enough time. Exhausted. There are days I struggle to accomplish anything. Dramatic? Maybe. Other days, I cram so much in I can hardly breathe. Chasing my to-do list except the wind is steadily blowing. Since late August, I am sprinting to a vanishing and reappearing finish line. My mind plays with me. What am I finishing? What am I doing? Wasting time? Searching for time? Creating opportunities? Volunteering? Consulting? Supporting friends? Asking for support? Waiting? Listening? Who knows, really. Figuring this out is exasperating and rejuvenating in the same exact moment. Conflicting emotions; both struggling to be first. What will win?
It’s August 29, 2012 and we are on our last-for-the-summer family vacation. We do as much as we can to force relaxation before becoming slaves to school schedules, enrichment classes, and autumnal life. I can faintly hear both the waves crashing against the warm sand and the contagious laughter of my children as they, too, know summer is nearing its end. Closing my eyes, I sigh. Where did the time go? Where did those special, vivid moments disappear to? I photographed and recorded many of these experiences as I want to remember the exquisite details, those gorgeous, little life-snippets. I want to remember. Do you? Poof.
August? Gone. September? Gone. October? Almost gone.
Tonight, as I write, it is Friday, October 26th. Too much has happened between then and now. Too damn much has happened. Looking back, it’s surreal. Eight weeks ago? Really? I shake my head in disbelief.
My parents used to always talk about how time slows for no one; it moves really-really-really quickly, and that’s it. Life does NOT wait. Got it? I remember their frank words; I remember not understanding what it all meant. Now I do. How could life move so quickly when I was often, in my younger years, searching for something to do, something to explore, sometime to occupy my time, and it seemed I had a lot of it? The days were sometimes so damn long; however, not anymore. Now, I wish, passionately for those uneventful, unfilled days and hours, and moments that slowly unfolded. I wish. I wish. I wish (said dreamily, felt emotionally).
This is an important reminder to myself and to others: enjoy today, find moments to think, and to dream, and to read, and to act, and please don’t wait for whatever to happen to you, around you, for you. Make it happen for yourself, whatever your it is today, tomorrow, in the future. Feeling melancholy? No. Just thinking aloud about the past two months. Processing the preciousness of life. Grappling with some emotional overload and exhaustion, and making a decision to let go of that worry (that we all have regarding our aging parents’ health and our children’s health, and just life in general) to remain positive, and actively in the moment. I never thought writing or having a blog would provide such incredible solace. The writing, this simple act of expression, feeds my soul in a beautiful way I never recognized or realized. Interesting concept that still mystifies me. I write. People read (maybe, maybe not). Comments are made (sometimes, although they are always welcomed and joyfully appreciated). Magically, something happens between writer and reader that remains unclear and undefined. I sit peacefully with this understanding, with this shared experience. I like it. No, I love it.